Quote:
- Michael: What the hell was that?
- Phyllis: It's the only gavel I could find...
- Michael: It squeaks when you bang it...that's what she said!
Quote:
- Darryl: Mike gave me a list of his top 10 Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman Fast Car and, my personal favorite, Short People.
Quote:
- Andy: [to Angela] One day we're going to move to Disney's Celebration village in Florida and leave all of this behind.
Quote:
- Michael: In my opinion the third date is traditionally the one where you have sex. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me
I'll know for sure.
Quote:
- Stanley: I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins too. I have swollen ankles, I'm constantly hungry. You think my nipples don't get sore too? You think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
Quote:
- Michael: It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it.
It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is...it's so unnatural, but it...it...happens.
Quote:
- Michael: Is this it? I mean is this...two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis?
I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken,
we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower.
Well you know what? Where's my golden shower Phyllis.
Quote:
- Angela: This is your boy bowl with the name Chevy
- Michael: That was me.
- Angela: And this is the girl bowl with M&Ms with the name Astird
- Phyllis: That can't be right...
- Angela: Michael wrote down Astird.
- Michael: She said it is the name of a Viking princess...so...
- Meredith: Astird
- Michael: I know. I know. It is beautiful. Thank you.
Quote:
- Dwight: Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision.
Quote:
- Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now this baby will be related to Michael through...delusion!
Quote:
- Jim: [about Dwight] He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open (which I always thought was impossible). At 1:32 he peed. I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filing out expense reports.
Quote:
- Michael: [on what to do about Meredith] OK, new idea -- we don't report her at all. We just punish her.
- Holly: We punish her?
- Michael: Tell her she can't have sex for six months.
- Holly: I don't think we could enforce that.
- Michael: I don't know. I saw this thing...like a belt with a key.
- Holly: A chastity belt.
- Michael: Yeah, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes, like, made of...I think sometimes they're made of metal. You know what I'm talking about. You unlock a little door that...down...where you...where you put...where you put the...
Quote:
- Michael: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?
Quote:
I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?
Quote:
- Michael: When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed cookie monster sings chocolate rain about 1,000 times.
