Quote:
- Lawyer: Mr. Scott, who’s this other woman, Ryan, who you refer to here as “just as hot as Jan but in a different way”.
- Michael: Not a woman, just a cool, great-looking best friend.
Quote:
- Lawyer: Who are the twins?
- Michael: Uh…to be delicate…they hang off m’lady’s chest. They…make milk.
Quote:
- Lawyer: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
- Michael: Six years and two months.
- Lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
- Michael: That’s what she said.
Quote:
- Lawyer: How long have you known the plaintiff?
- Michael: I haven’t actually seen it, but I have seen The Firm and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief.
Quote:
- Jan: The truth is, you know, very complicated, so we went over it very carefully just so we wouldn’t leave things up to chance or Michael’s judgment.
Quote:
- Michael: So here’s the deal, I’m on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan’s wrongful termination lawsuit. The company fired her for having the courage to…augment her boobs…
Quote:
- Pam: Every time Michael’s in a meeting he makes me come in and give him a post-it note telling him who’s on the phone. I did it once and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is, he doesn’t get that many calls so he has me make them up every 10 minutes.
Quote:
- Dwight: I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim’s life with a can of pepper spray I had velcro’d under my desk. People say, “oh, it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace”. Well I say, “it’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.”
Quote:
- Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game I always say yes…and I am always busy…
Quote:
- Michael: [dictating want-ad for Stanley’s replacement] Wanted: middle-aged black man with sass. Big butt. Bigger heart. I can’t…do this…
Quote:
- Michael: Jim, if this is it for me…promise me something…host the Dundies…
Quote:
- Jim: [via walkie-talkie] Alright Great Scott, if you’ve found that choking hazard poster, just head on home…
- Michael: [via walkie-talkie] We’ve got something far better, their crown jewel, their industrial copier.
Quote:
- Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head.
Quote:
- Michael: [via walkie-talkie] We are in a stairwell. We are climbing some stairs…I am breathing heavily.
- Jim: [via walkie-talkie] Ok, you know what? You really don’t need to be updating me as much as you’re updating me.
Quote:
- Andy: [to Stanley] I’m gonna miss you man. You’ve been like an uncle to me…like a kind, old Uncle Remus.
