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- Pam: Here’s what we think happened. Michael’s sidekick who, all through the movie is this complete idiot who’s causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace. But that doesn’t work on misspelled words. Leaving behind one “Dwigt”. And Dwight figured it out. Ooops.
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- Michael: Did somebody say, “Babyback Ribs”? [Michael and the client launch into the Chili’s rib song]
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- Jim: Do we all have a copy of “Threat Level: Midnight” by Michael Scott?
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- Jim: Is this real?
- Pam: It is a screenplay, staring himself.
- Jim: Agent Michael Scarn!
- Pam: Of the FBI.
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- Michael: We should come up with a signal of some sort.
- Jan: Why would you need a signal?
- Michael: Well in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal…
- Jan: What kind of trouble are you planning on getting in Michael?
Quote:
- Michael: [leaving for an offsite meeting] Ok probably going to go late tonight burning the midnight tequila. So I think you could just take off now.
- Jan: Michael this shouldn’t take more than an hour. Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?
- Michael: No, no that would not be efficient. Actually they just don’t get very much work done when I’m not here. [pauses] That’s not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work when I’m not here. Not more…the same amount of work is done whether I am here or not…
Quote:
- Jan: So when we get to the Radisson…
- Michael: Oh, I changed it to Chili’s. Radisson just gives out this vibe. It’s like “oh I’m doing business at the Radisson”. It’s kinda snooty.
- Jan: You had no right to do that Michael.
- Michael: Here’s the thing…Chili’s is the new golf course. It’s where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine.
- Jan: It said that?
- Michael: It will. I sent in a letter to the editor.
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- Ryan brings in Michael’s dry cleaning
- Pam: Are those Michael’s Levis?
- Ryan: Yeah, who dry-cleans jeans?
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- Michael: I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous. But there is however honor in making a loser feel better, which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Quote:
- Michael: Effective immediately I am promoting you from assistant to the the regional manager to assistant regional manager.
- Dwight: Michael…I don’t know…
- Michael: I know, I know, I know. I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t think you could handle it.
- Dwight: I can handle it…[looks around the conference room] so I guess this will just be my office.
- Michael: No no. Title change only.
- Dwight: I’ll have Pam send out a memo.
- Michael: No. Three month probationary period. Let’s just not tell anybody about this right now.
- Dwight: Just a formality?
- Michael: Absolutely, but not really.
- Dwight: Michael…I have so much to learn from you…thank you, Sensei!
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- Toby: We want to go home.
- Michael: Well, you don’t even have anyone to go home to Toby. So…
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- Michael: [greeting Dwight] Oh hey, hi! Karate Kid…the Hillary Swank version…
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- Kevin: Sweep the leg!
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- Jim: Well we’re all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing. But Michael, he decided to extend lunch by an hour so we can all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight.
Quote:
- Kelly: Hai-ya!
- Dwight: Good, now watch, let me take you from behind…
- Kelly: What?