Quote:
- Dwight: [singing to the tune of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire] Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire!!!
Quote:
- Dwight: Everyone. Ok, I have an announcement. Apparently in business school they don’t teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on “oven” instead of timing it for the toaster thing. [holds up burnt pita and laughs maniacally]
Quote:
- Michael: Roy? Who would ya do Roy?
- Roy: Oh, I got it! What’s the name of that tight-ass Christian chick…the blond…?
- Angela: My name is Angela.
Quote:
- Jim: Alright, let’s move onto the main event. “Who would ya do?”
- Kevin: Present company excluded?
- Jim: Not necessarily…
- Kevin: Pam.
- Oscar: Pam.
Quote:
- Michael: Look at this stuff! “Market fragments”, what’s that supposed to mean?
- Ryan: It’s a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base.
- Michael: You are so smart. You are so f-ing smart. You should be teaching me.
Quote:
- Michael: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn’t go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA. So…so it’s not the same thing, at all.
Quote:
- Ryan: Is it cheaper to sign a new customer or keep an existing customer?
- Dwight: Keep an existing…
- Michael: [to Dwight] Shut it! Can I just do it please? [to Ryan] It’s equal…
- Ryan: It is 10 times more expensive to sign a new customer.
- Michael: Ok yes, it was a trick question.
- Dwight: Look he didn’t need business school. Michael comes from the school of hard-knocks. Self-taught…
Quote:
- Michael: When I was Ryan’s age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business right then and there, than business school would ever teach me – or Ryan would ever teach me.
Quote:
- Michael: Is this your car Ryan? Pretty big books back there! Hello Mr. Egghead. Oh, Stanley Kaplan, I know him. “M is for Murder”, “P is for…”
- Ryan: That’s actually a test prep book. That’s a test prep for business school…
- Michael: Oh? Thinking of going to business school?
- Ryan: I just got in. I applied. I go at night.
- Michael: Oh really? So you think you know a lot about business?
- Ryan: No. Not yet. Just started…
- Michael: Quiz me.
- Ryan: I wouldn’t even know where to start.
- Michael: Comon’ Egghead! Quiz me up!
- Ryan: Alright. Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years?
- Michael: [silent]
Quote:
- Dwight: Question, is there firewood on the island?
- Jim: I guess.
- Dwight: Then I would bring an axe, no books.
- Jim: It has to be a book Dwight.
- Dwight: Fine. Physician’s Desk Reference…
- Jim: Nice. Smart.
- Dwight: …hollowed out. Inside: Waterproof matches, iodine tables, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. No – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Quote:
- Michael: [to Ryan] Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations. Adapt, react, readapt, apt. Alright? That’s rule number two.
Quote:
- Michael: Yes, I was the first one out. And yes, I’ve heard “women and children first”. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop (thankfully). And women are equal in the workplace by law. So I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
Quote:
- Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection. He’s like Batman, I’m like Robin. He’s like the Lone Ranger, I’m like Tonto. And it’s not like there was the Lone Ranger, Tonto and…Bonto.
Quote:
- Michael: There are 10 rules of business that you need to learn. Number one. You need to play to win…but…you also have to…win to play. And…I will give you the rest of the 10 at lunch!
Quote:
- Michael: Ryan’s about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I’m like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda all rolled into one.