Quote:
- Dwight: [taking shirt off] Ok, we’ll be skins!
- Michael: Oh comon’ Dwight!
- Dwight: What? On or off?
- Michael: On!!!
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- Michael: [to Stanley] There it is! Secret weapon!
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- Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead?
- Phyllis: I'll do it.
- Michael: Oh yuck. That's worse than you playing!
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- Dwight: Can I be team captain?
- Michael: No, I am team captain.
- Dwight: Can I be team manager?
- Michael: No I am the team manager! You can be the assistant to the team manager.
- Dwight: Assistant team manager?
- Michael: No!
- Dwight: Ok, we’ll see who’s working this weekend.
- Michael: Jim, you’re in charge of the schedule now. Threat neutralized!
Quote:
- Michael: Ok, let’s put together a starting lineup shall we? Stanley…of course.
- Stanley: I’m sorry?
- Michael: What do you play, center?
- Stanley: Why “of course”? What’s that supposed to mean?
- Michael: I don’t know. I don’t remember saying that…
- Jim: I heard it.
- Michael: Well people hear a lot of things man. Um…other starters…me, of course! I heard it that time.
- Phyllis: I’d like to play if it’s just for fun. I played basketball in school.
- Michael: Um….yeah…who else?
Quote:
- Michael: Are we ready for the games? Oh yeah, I know grumble grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth grumbling all the way like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
- Dwight: Gimli...
- Michael: Nerd. That is why you are not on the team.
- Dwight: Just trying to be helpful.
- Michael: Oh elven dragonslayer. Ten-point power sword.
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- Michael: This is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the best looking one upstairs. [to Roy] You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job.
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- Michael: This is management by...walking around! This is our warehouse. Or as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that. I've earned the right.
- Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that.
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- Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday. And I think that that should be Jim.
- Jim: God this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.
Quote:
- Dwight: That’s why you have an assistant regional manager.
- Michael: Yes it is…assistant to the regional manager.
- Dwight: Same thing.
- Michael: No it’s not, it’s lower.
- Dwight: It’s close.
Quote:
- Dwight: I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me...I am better at hiding than they are at vision.
Quote:
- Michael: These are my party planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing 80s party last year. Off the hook! So I was thinking if you haven't already gotten a cake...maybe going for one of those ice cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. They are very good. Very delicious.
- Angela: Meredith is allergic to dairy so...
- Michael: She's not the only one that's gonna be eating it right? And I think everyone likes ice cream cake. It's not just about her...
- Pam: It's her birthday.
- Michael: Mint chocolate chip! Mint chocolate chip!
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- Dwight: It's a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.
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- Michael: When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improv from the greats. Like Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles...Robin Williams - oh man - would I love to go head to head with him. That would be exciting. [mock Robin Williams voice] "Ey O! I'm Mork from Ork!". Yeah? Well I'm...Bork...from Spork. "Nanoo nanoo". Zoobilly ballooballoo.
Quote:
- Dwight: Ok, now who wrote this...this hysterical one? Anal fissures?
- Kevin: That's a real one.
- Dwight: Yeah, but no one here has it.
- Kevin: [glances uncomfortably at the camera] ...someone has it...