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- Angela: [to Dwight] Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles’ stiff, lifeless body!
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- Michael: What have we learned? We have learned that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks because it’s illegal and you will go to jail.
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- Michael: Well there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well new ideas are fine, but they are also illegal because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right.
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- Jan: He’s such a snake. I hope he gets hit with an ageism suit.
- Michael: What is…that…word?
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- Michael: We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young and we called him my brother – and that’s what I thought he was – and then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans.
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- Ryan: Michael, everybody…let me say something. I know I used to be a temp here. But now everything is different. I’d like your respect. I am your boss now. You’re going to have to treat me the same way you treated Jan.
- Michael: Oh wow, that’s a little kinky! I don’t swing that way…
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- Angela: What is that?
- Dwight: It’s a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I’m giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
- Angela: Her name was Sprinkles…
- Dwight: And his name is Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage.
Quote:
- Andy: Jim Halpert’s off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office?
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- Angela: It’s not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.
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- Michael: Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love because this is really good, this is really good. My heart soars with the eagle’s nest.
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- Michael: Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy because today is the day that Jim and Pam become one.
- Jim: Actually we’ve been dating for a couple of months…
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- Michael: Hey Toby? What's this? [reads memo] "I just want to remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA or public displays of affection…”
- Toby: Yes, uh, some people in the office have complained about some other people engaging in PDA. And, you know, I just want to remind that it’s not appropriate to do that.
- Michael: This is about me and Jan in my office? Because I’ll will have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don’t think anyone heard anything. We were very discreet and most people had left by that point. So I don’t think it’s any of your business. What I think you should do is roll up the memo real tight…
- Toby: Ok look, the memo is not about you…
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- Toby: Where are we?
- Kelly: I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office?
- Toby: He couldn’t have made it a circle?
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- Michael: Alfredo sauce!
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- Stanley: Oh yes, I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.