Dunderball: An Office Fansite - Season 5, Episode 2: "Business Ethics"

Impossible

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:32:19 -0500

Quote:

Jim: [about Dwight] He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open (which I always thought was impossible). At 1:32 he peed. I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filing out expense reports.

Chastity Belt

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:27:24 -0500

Quote:

Michael: [on what to do about Meredith] OK, new idea -- we don't report her at all. We just punish her.

Holly: We punish her?

Michael: Tell her she can't have sex for six months.

Holly: I don't think we could enforce that.

Michael: I don't know. I saw this thing...like a belt with a key.

Holly: A chastity belt.

Michael: Yeah, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes, like, made of...I think sometimes they're made of metal. You know what I'm talking about. You unlock a little door that...down...where you...where you put...where you put the...

Performance

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:25:32 -0500

Quote:

Michael: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?

Performance

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:25:32 -0500

Quote:

I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?

Cookie Monster

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:24:24 -0500

Quote:

Michael: When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed cookie monster sings chocolate rain about 1,000 times.

Ethics

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:19:43 -0500

Quote:

Holly: I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing.

Oscar: That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.

Andy: I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? Boom!

Oscar: Exactly Andy.

Andyt: Yeah I took intro to philosopy. Twice. No big deal.

Dwight: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.

Robin Shyamalan

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:16:26 -0500

Quote:

Michael: People expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings. You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan.

Time Theft

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:11:57 -0500

Quote:

Holly: Okay, in fact, spending a half hour at the watercooler during work hours is a form of stealing.

Kelly: What?

Holly: Yes, it's called time theft and it's the same as taking money from the company. Can anyone think of examples of things that are over-the-line time-wasters?

Stanley: This meeting.

Strategy

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 02:08:30 -0500

Quote:

Michael: [on helping Holly] She's my friend,and ultimately my strategy is to sort of merge
this into a relationship without her even knowing.