Season 2, Episode 2: "Sexual Harassment"
Quote:
- Michael: You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. Come here, gimme a kiss…comon’!
- Phyllis: Michael, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to report you to HR…
- Michael: I’m not worried! You know what? The only thing I am worried about? Getting a boner.
Quote:
- Todd: There’s this guy and he’s at a nymphomaniac convention and he is psyched because all these women are smokin’ hot perfect 10s except for this one woman who looks a lot like…like [points at Phyllis]
- Kevin: Phyllis?
- Michael: No, no, no…that crosses the line.
- Todd: Ex-squeeze me?
- Michael: Not you, Kevin. It’s just unwarranted. Hostile work environment Kevin.
- Kevin: Well Packer said it.
- Michael: No you said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look Kevin, we are a family here. And Phyllis is a valued member of that family…like a grandmother.
- Phyllis: I’m the same age as you Michael…
- Michael: I don’t know about that.
- Phyllis: We’re in the same high-school class.
- Michael: Well, I had a late birthday and usually September is the cutoff point…
Quote:
- Michael: I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting corporate that I forget that I am corporate, upper management. They hooked me up with an attorney to protect me. You can’t be too careful about what you say. Mo’ money mo’ problems.
Quote:
- Michael: Hello, Jan, Mr. O’Malley, this is my lawyer, James P. Albini. I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. He specializes in free-speech issues.
- James P. Albini: [to the camera] And motorcycle head-injuries, workers comp and diet pill lawsuits.
- Michael: This guy does it all.
- Jan: Excuse me, I’m sorry. Michael, Mr. O’Malley is your lawyer.
- Michael: What?
- Jan: Mr. O’Malley is our corporate lawyer.
Quote:
- Toby: Technically I am in human resources and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. I’m just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hey Toby. You said that we could come to you if we had any questions…where’s the clitoris? On the website it said “at the crest of the labia.” What does that mean?
Quote:
- Michael: I have never slept with an employee, and believe me I could have.
- Dwight: Yeah Meredith [points to Meredith]
- Michael: No, no, Katherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was? She would’ve definitely slept with me.
- Kevin: She wasn’t that hot.
- Michael: Yes she was…dammit Kevin, comon’ !!!
Quote:
- Michael: Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic school girl’s outfit? I mean it is hot, it is sexy and it turns him on. I will admit, best part of my morning staring at it. But what? Are we just going to take it away?
- Stanley: That is my daughter.
Quote:
- Pam: I just wanted to say that, just, my mom’s coming in today.
- Kevin: Mmmm….MILF
- Pam: Thanks Kevin…
Quote:
- Michael: Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.
Quote:
- Michael: One time we were out and we met this set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers. And, so you know, one thing led to another. And we brought them back to the motel. And Packer did both of them…it was awesome.
Quote:
- Todd: [sneaking up behind Michael] What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? This guy!!!
Quote:
- Dwight: So the monkey does the sex thing right…here [strange monkey noises are heard from Dwight’s PC]
[they laugh]
- Michael: That’s funny. That’s funny. [looks at the camera] Not offensive, because it’s nature…educational.
Quote:
- Michael: It’s how I like to do business, everybody joking around. It’s like friends. I am Chandler, and Joey…and Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer.
