Dwight Schrute
Quote:
- Jim: You work here, don't you want good insurance?
- Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.
- Jim: Ok, well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.
- Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute...and superior brain-power. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
- Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
- Dwight: So I can lower it.
Quote:
- Dwight: I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is "ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run, a lion eats me and I'm dead!". Well I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead!
Quote:
- Dwight: Ok, first let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
- Michael: Uh...none. You're picking a healthcare plan.
- Dwight: Ok, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'm going to need an office. I think the conference room should be fine.
- Michael: You can use the conference room as a temporary work-space.
- Dwight: Yes. I have an office!
- Michael: Nope. You cannot use it.
- Dwight: Ok, I take it back, it's a work-space.
- Michael: Temporary work-space...you can use it.
- Dwight: Thank you [smiles at the camera].
Quote:
- Diversity Day Trainer: Now this is a simple acronym, H.E.R.O. At Diversity Today we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Open-mindedness.
- Dwight: Um, excuse me? I'm sorry but that's not all it takes to be a hero.
- Diversity Day Trainer: Great, well what is a hero to you?
- Dwight: A hero kills people - people that wish him harm. A hero is part human, and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma or out of a disaster that must be avenged.
- Diversity Day Trainer: Ok, um, you're thinking of a superhero.
- Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart.
Quote:
- Dwight: Tit for tit.
- Jim: That's not the expression.
- Dwight: Well it should be.
Quote:
- Michael: Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into jello.
- Jim: Ok. Dwight I'm sorry, because I've always been your biggest flan.
- Michael: [laughing to Ryan the temp] Ooooh nice! That's the way it is around here, just kinda goes 'round and 'round and 'round.
- Ryan: You should've put him in custardy.
- Michael: Hey yes!!! New guy! He scores!!!
- Dwight: Ok that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all.
- Michael: Pudding...pudding...I'm trying to think, what other dessert to do?
Quote:
- Dwight discovers that Jim has suspended his stapler in a jello mold
- Dwight: Are you going to discipline him or not?
- Michael: Ooooh, discipline...kinky!
Quote:
- Michael: [starting the meeting] Now I know there are some rumors out there and I just kinda want to set the record straight...
- Dwight: Uh uh uh uh...I'm the assistant regional manager, I should know first.
- Michael: Assistant to the regional manager
- Dwight: Ok, can you just tell me please? Just tell me quietly, can you whisper it in my ear?
- Michael: I'm just about to tell everyone.
- Rumblings from the group
- Dwight: Please...ok. Do you want me to tell them?
- Michael: You don't know what it is [laughs]
- Dwight: Ok, you tell them...with my permission.
- Michael: I don't need your permission.
- Dwight: Permission granted!
Quote:
- Dwight: One word, two syllables...demarcation.
