Dwight Schrute
Quote:
- Dwight: As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we’re using to keep Meredith alive, we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical?
Quote:
- Dwight: It was only a cat.
- Angela: You don’t like them.
- Dwight: Cats do not provide milk nor wool or meat.
Quote:
- Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Shrute bucks?
- Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
- Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
- Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Quote:
- Dwight: Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim. I am going to be your new boss. It is my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Check-out time is never!
Quote:
- Dwight: How would you like to spend a night with the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton.
- Angela: No Dwight! I don’t care if that’s how they consolidated power in ancient Rome.
- Dwight: No, no, no. Not Michael! Me! I’m taking his job.
- Angela: Not now…[smiles to herself] goodbye Kelly Kapoor…
Quote:
- Michael: We are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner…
- Dwight: Yes! Funtivities, I knew it wasn’t just a trip to the beach!
- Michael: Alright, you know what? Your enthusiasm is turning people off.
- Dwight: I hope there will be management parables.
Quote:
- Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat. Couple of pigs watching…
Quote:
- Dwight: First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive bets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets.
Quote:
- Jim: [dressed like Dwight] Question: What kind of bear is best?
- Dwight: That’s a ridiculous question…
- Jim: False. Black bear.
- Dwight: That’s debatable, there are basically two schools of thought…
- Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
- Dwight: Bears do not…what is going on?!? What are you doing?!?
Quote:
- Dwight: [to the warehouse crew] Attention blue collar workers!
Quote:
- Dwight: [tearing up after using his pepper spray] Every day, for 8 years, I have brought pepper spray into the office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And every day, for 8 years, people have laughed at me. Well, who’s laughing now?
Quote:
- Dwight: You know that line on top of the shrimp? That’s feces.
Quote:
- Dwight: Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hello Angela. You look as beautiful as the queen of England.
- Anglea: Thank you. Don’t linger, break left. Left!
Quote:
- Michael: Guys - meat it’s what’s for dinner. Who wants some man meat?
- Dwight: I want some man meat!
- Jim: Dwight wants your man meat.
- Michael: Well then my man meat he shall have.
