Dwight Schrute
Quote:
- Dwight: We must never cede control of the motherland!!! For it is…
- Audience: Together that we prevail!!!
Quote:
- Dwight: We are warriors!!! Salesmen of Northeastern Pennsylvania!!! I ask you to rise and once more be worthy of this historical hour!
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- Dwight: [pounds the podium] Blood alone moves the wheels of history!!!
Quote:
- Dwight: I’m not nervous in front of them. They are my subordinates.
- Jim: No, we’re not.
- Dwight: Yes, you are. I am the assistant regional manager…
- Jim: Which means absolutely nothing…
- Dwight: Michael can you explain?
- Michael: Well…it’s mostly made-up…
Quote:
- Dwight: I can’t do this.
- Michael: That’s because you’re incapable of doing it. Because you don’t know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight there’s no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
- Dwight: Ok…
- Michael: But I can teach you enough so that you don’t embarrass me or the company.
Quote:
- Dwight: When I was in the sixth grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word ‘failure’.
Quote:
- Dwight: [Dangling a bunch of grapes over his mouth, eating them]
- Michael: That’s what she said!
- Dwight: I don’t get it…
- Michael: Grapes…seductive…
Quote:
- Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it and then you have to tame it. Keep it happy, care for it, feed it. Lovingly. The way that an animal deserves to be loved. My animal deserves a lot of loving.
Quote:
- Dwight: It’s a terrible idea…
- Jim: What is?
- Dwight: Them in there all together. They stay in there too long, they’re gonna get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hello Rock 107, am I the 107th caller?
Quote:
- Dwight: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick! Should I have reported Oscar’s malfeasance? Hmm…probably. But now I know something he doesn’t want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it’s just malfeasance for malfeasance’s sake.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hey Oscar how are you doin’, Dwight Schrute calling. LIsten, little question for ya buddy. I called 6 minutes ago and no one answered, so I was wonder if you could explain…oh…I see so it sounds like you’re too sick to come into work but you’re well enough to go to the pharmacy.
Quote:
- Dwight: Listen temp, I am conducting a little investigation. So I am no longer gonna to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
- Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
- Dwight: Do you think or do you know?
- Ryan: I think.
- Dwight: Oh God…
Quote:
- Dwight: [while Michael is on the phone with Oscar] Ask him the symptoms…I’m on WebMD.
Quote:
- Michael: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say an empty desk means an…
- Dwight: …empty mind…
- Michael: No…no, that’s not what I was gonna say…
