Jim Halpert
Quote:
- Jim: [after Andy pushes Dwight into the bushes with his Prius] Dwight, are your legs broken?
- Dwight: No, my right one's falling asleep a little bit
Quote:
- Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now this baby will be related to Michael through...delusion!
Quote:
- Jim: [about Dwight] He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open (which I always thought was impossible). At 1:32 he peed. I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filing out expense reports.
Quote:
- Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game I always say yes…and I am always busy…
Quote:
- Michael: Jim, if this is it for me…promise me something…host the Dundies…
Quote:
- Jim: [via walkie-talkie] Alright Great Scott, if you’ve found that choking hazard poster, just head on home…
- Michael: [via walkie-talkie] We’ve got something far better, their crown jewel, their industrial copier.
Quote:
- Michael: [via walkie-talkie] We are in a stairwell. We are climbing some stairs…I am breathing heavily.
- Jim: [via walkie-talkie] Ok, you know what? You really don’t need to be updating me as much as you’re updating me.
Quote:
- Jim: When I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens…and frankly all of those sound better than paper so I let it slide.
Quote:
- Andy: Best ad ever? [singing] Give me a break…gimme a break…break me off a piece of that…[stops] I am totally blanking! What is the thing?
- Jim: Nobody tell him!
- Andy: Wha? No…why?
- Jim: You got it, you’re so close.
- Andy: Break me off a piece of that…apple sauce
- Jim: Break me off a piece of that apple sauce. I don’t think that’s…
- Andy: Piece of that Chrysler car…football cream…
Quote:
- Jim: You need to let him go.
- Michael: Let go of little jerk-boy before he has learned his lesson?
- Jim: Yes.
- Michael: You know what Jim? The world would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions.
- Jim: Yes, but not by kidnapping them.
- Michael: I’m not kidnapping him. I’m keeping him until I get what I want.
- Jim: As a hostage?
- Michael: I think you’re over-thinking it.
- Jim: I think you’re under-thinking it.
Quote:
- Andy: I’m sorry Tuna, but if you don’t see why that’s awesome then you need awesome lessons.
Quote:
- Michael: Gift baskets are amazing Phyllis. Gift baskets are the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.
- Andy: What about cash? With cash you can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket. So, it’s kind of the best gift ever.
- Jim: What about a gift basket full of cash?
- Andy: Yes! Cash basket!
Quote:
- Michael: Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy because today is the day that Jim and Pam become one.
- Jim: Actually we’ve been dating for a couple of months…
Quote:
- Pam: So I closed the door, but the image of his…
- Jim: …baguette…
- Pam: …dangling participle still burned in my eyes.
Quote:
- Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway…I wonder who he ran over then?
