Phyllis
Quote:
- Michael: What the hell was that?
- Phyllis: It's the only gavel I could find...
- Michael: It squeaks when you bang it...that's what she said!
Quote:
- Angela: This is your boy bowl with the name Chevy
- Michael: That was me.
- Angela: And this is the girl bowl with M&Ms with the name Astird
- Phyllis: That can't be right...
- Angela: Michael wrote down Astird.
- Michael: She said it is the name of a Viking princess...so...
- Meredith: Astird
- Michael: I know. I know. It is beautiful. Thank you.
Quote:
- Michael: Ok, I have an announcement.
- Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window…
- Phyllis You shot Dwight…
- Michael: Ok, that is not funny. I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car for which I take full responsibility.
Quote:
- Phyllis: I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions and he was holding a map and when I walked over he had “it” out on the map.
- Angela: Phyllis, you’re a married woman!
- Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what’s all the fuss? [aside] If that’s flashing then lock me up.
Quote:
- Phyllis: Yes, I put Michael in my wedding, it was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before…
Quote:
- Phyllis: Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality and a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive.
Quote:
- Phyllis: I called every grocery store in Scranton, no one sells whole pigs.
- Angela: Did you try the petting zoo?
Quote:
- Michael: Fine! Have your party! Just no guests!
- Phyllis: But we invited guests.
- Michael: Well you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably cancelled at the last minute anyway leaving your life a stupid rotten mess.
Quote:
- Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in metropolitan Orlando. It’s made from real pine.
- Karen: Who’s Bob Vance?
- Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town sweetie.
Quote:
- Phyllis: [to Pam] You should order the most expensive thing on the menu. So he knows you're worth it.
- Stanley: If you do that you're gonna have have to put out.
- Phyllis: Oh yeah, you'll have to put out.
Quote:
- Michael: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
- Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl…
- Michael: No. A real disability, not a woman’s trouble.
- Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
- Michael: Wha-? How old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability (although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles).
- Stanley: I’m not disabled and neither are you.
- Michael: [flings a crutch] What does this look like to you Stanley? [shows Stanley his bubble-wrapped grilled foot]
- Stanley: Mail Boxes Etcetera…
Quote:
- Michael: Can someone come and get me please? Ryan?
- Phyllis: Michael, you should stay home and rest…
- Michael: There’s no toilet paper here…tell Ryan to bring toilet paper, can you tell him that?
Quote:
- Todd: There’s this guy and he’s at a nymphomaniac convention and he is psyched because all these women are smokin’ hot perfect 10s except for this one woman who looks a lot like…like [points at Phyllis]
- Kevin: Phyllis?
- Michael: No, no, no…that crosses the line.
- Todd: Ex-squeeze me?
- Michael: Not you, Kevin. It’s just unwarranted. Hostile work environment Kevin.
- Kevin: Well Packer said it.
- Michael: No you said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look Kevin, we are a family here. And Phyllis is a valued member of that family…like a grandmother.
- Phyllis: I’m the same age as you Michael…
- Michael: I don’t know about that.
- Phyllis: We’re in the same high-school class.
- Michael: Well, I had a late birthday and usually September is the cutoff point…
Quote:
- Michael: The “Busiest Beaver Award” goes to Phyllis Lapin. Yeah! Way to go Phyllis. Nice work per usual.
- Phyllis: [looking at the trophy] This says “Bushiest Beaver”.
Quote:
- Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead?
- Phyllis: I'll do it.
- Michael: Oh yuck. That's worse than you playing!
