Oscar
Quote:
- Holly: I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing.
- Oscar: That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
- Andy: I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? Boom!
- Oscar: Exactly Andy.
- Andyt: Yeah I took intro to philosopy. Twice. No big deal.
- Dwight: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Quote:
- Oscarl: Besides having sex with men, I would say the “Finer Things Club” is the gayest thing about me.
Quote:
- Oscar: [reviewing Michael’s personal financials] This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment…
Quote:
- Oscar: [looking at Michael’s credit card statement] $1200, what’s a “Core Blaster Extreme”?
- Michael: That is, by far, the best way to strengthen your core. This machine…you sit on a stabilizer ball. You put your feet into the power stirrups. You reach up and you grab onto the super-rod and you twist and you twist and you twist. It strengthens your entire core: your back core, your arm core. The Marine Corps actually uses it…
Quote:
- Michael: Ok, I have an announcement.
- Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window…
- Phyllis You shot Dwight…
- Michael: Ok, that is not funny. I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car for which I take full responsibility.
Quote:
- Oscar: Hey Pam, I’ve been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.
- Pam: Haha. That’s very funny.
- Stanley: I’ve never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.
- Kelly: Are you kidding? I would never have done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense Pam.
- Meredith: You know what? Don’t even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk I bet no one even remembers a word you said.
- Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing. www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts…check it out.
Quote:
- Oscar: We don’t even have to have a party…
- Michael: No, hey, hey, don’t be ridiculous. Of course we’re going to have a party – the celebration of Oscar. Oscar night! And I want it to be Oscar-specific.
- Oscar: Michael, I…
- Michael: No, no. I mean…not because you’re gay. Your gayness does not define you.
- Oscar: Thank you.
- Michael: Your Mexicaness is what defines you, to me, and I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity. So Phyllis, I want you to go find firecrackers and a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section Swanson’s makes a delightful chimichanga.
- Oscar: Why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey?
- Michael: Ah, a burro. Of course, if Oscar wants a donkey let’s get him one.
Quote:
- Kevin: Hello Oscar, how was your gay-cation?
- Oscar: That’s very funny.
- Keving: Yeah? I thought of that, like, two seconds after you left.
Quote:
- Oscar: [to Kevin] Skin cancer is treatable. It’s gonna be ok.
- Angela: You don’t know it’s going to be ok. Don’t give him false hope.
Quote:
- Michael: Calling cards are the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.
- Ryan: Who uses calling cards anymore?
- Michael: You know what? That’s a nice attitude Ryan. I’m just helping you invest in your future my friend.
- Oscar: It sounds like a get-rich-quick scheme…
- Michael: Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will.
Quote:
- Toby: You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again?
- Michael: I put a cigarette through a freakin quarter! And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us!!!
Quote:
- Michael: I heard you were under the weather.
- Oscar: Yeah, I think I came down with the flu.
- Michael: Really? Oh that is a shame. You know it’s cleaning day here today? Could’ve used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic…
Quote:
- Michael: I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into…Yankee Swap.
- Jim: What is Yankee Swap?
- Michael: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person’s gift. If your gift gets stolen than you can steal someone else’s gift or choose a new gift.
- Jim: I thought that was called “Nasty Christmas”
- Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant
- Michael: Well I call it fun.
- Oscar: Why are we doing this?
- Michael: Because it’s better, because it’s more special…
Quote:
- Jim: Alright, let’s move onto the main event. “Who would ya do?”
- Kevin: Present company excluded?
- Jim: Not necessarily…
- Kevin: Pam.
- Oscar: Pam.
