Jan Levinson-Gould
Quote:
- Jan: The truth is, you know, very complicated, so we went over it very carefully just so we wouldn’t leave things up to chance or Michael’s judgment.
Quote:
- Jan: He’s such a snake. I hope he gets hit with an ageism suit.
- Michael: What is…that…word?
Quote:
- Jan: Michael, come over after work tonight. I miss your…body.
- Michael: I dunno. I feel…I drive a lot. I’m spending a fortune on gas…
- Jan: I’ll give you $200. If I get up before you I’ll leave it on the dresser.
- Michael: I dunno…that makes me kind of uncomfortable…
- Jan: $300?
- Michael: I…well…I dunno…
- Jan: Whatever, just let my assistant know if you’re coming over so he can get more Vodka. Hunter, are you on?
- Hunter: You got it Jan!
Quote:
- Jan: Are you going to take care of this?
- Michael: Yeppers.
- Jan: What did I tell you about “yeppers”?
- Michael: I don’t…remember…
- Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
- Michael: Yeshhhh.
Quote:
- Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control.
- Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
- Michael: It was a crime of passion Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
- Jan: [sighs] Is Toby there?
- Michael: No…
- Toby: I’m here Jan.
Quote:
- David (the CFO): Jan, glad you could make it…
- Jan: Oh, of course, of course David. Do you remember Michael Scott from Scranton branch?
- David Of course I do. How are you Michael?
- Michael: Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud.
Quote:
- Jan: Why is this so hard? That’s what she said. Oh my God, what am I saying?
Quote:
- Jan: I am taking a calculated risk. What’s the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self-loathing. What’s the downside? I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse on myself like a dying star.
Quote:
- Jan: [to Michael] You’re wrong for me in every way. But I still find myself wanting to be with you.
Quote:
- Michael: Yeah Jan, it, um, looks like a check -- piece of paper of some sort. Receipt? I don’t know…
- Angela: Jan? This is Angela Martin from accounting. Look we have a rebate from the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means.
- Jan: We get that money for hiring an ex-convict.
- Michael: I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby…convicted rapist…I’m just kidding.
Quote:
- Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch.
- Michael: On whom’s authority?
- Jan: The board’s.
Quote:
- Michael: I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.
- Jan: I understand how you feel Michael, I really do. So would it be helpful to give everyone the day off?
- Michael: You don’t get it do you? You don’t understand these people, that is the last thing that they would want is a day off.
- Jan: Well, what would you suggest?
- Michael: A statue.
- Jan: Of Ed?
- Michael: Yeah
- Jan: Look, I’m not sure that’s realistic…
- Michael: Well, I think it would be very realistic. It would look just like him.
Quote:
- Jan: How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that?
- Michael: People work faster after…
- Jan: Magically
- Michael: No. They have to…to make up for the time they’ve lost watching the movie.
Quote:
- Jan: Well Michael…I underestimated you.
- Michael: Yeah well maybe next time you will estimate me.
Quote:
- Dwight: I am ready for my performance review.
- Michael: Ok, great. Your performance has been “adequate”. You may leave, goodbye.
- Jan: Is this how you have been conducting all the reviews Michael?
