Season 2, Episode 12: "The Injury"
Quote:
- Michael: The rules of “shotgun” are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout “shotgun” when you’re within sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
Quote:
- Michael: Can I ask you all a question? Do you know what it’s like to be disabled?
- Phyllis: I had scoliosis as a girl…
- Michael: No. A real disability, not a woman’s trouble.
- Creed: When I was a teenager, I was in an iron-lung.
- Michael: Wha-? How old are you? The point is: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability (although I am sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles).
- Stanley: I’m not disabled and neither are you.
- Michael: [flings a crutch] What does this look like to you Stanley? [shows Stanley his bubble-wrapped grilled foot]
- Stanley: Mail Boxes Etcetera…
Quote:
- Michael: [in the bathroom] Help! Help me!
- Toby: [at the bathroom door] What happened?
- Michael: I fell off the toilet…caught between the toilet and the wall.
- Toby: What do you need?
- Michael: Ugh, not you. Someone else…get Pam…
- Toby: I don’t think Pam’s gonna want to come into the men’s room.
- Michael: Get Ryan! He need’s to lift me! And he needs to clean me up a little bit…bring a wet towel…
- Ryan: [shaking his head and signaling to Toby]
- Toby: Ryan is…uh…dead…can you get up yourself? You only grilled your foot…
Quote:
- Michael: Pam…you want to rub butter on my foot?
- Pam: No…
- Michael: Pam, please. I have Country Crock.
Quote:
- Michael: Yeah I am fussy! Aspirin’s not gonna do a damn thing! I’m sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.
Quote:
- Pam: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate…
- Michael: Oh, did you explain why?
- Pam: No. I didn’t mention that you cooked your foot.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hold on Michael!!! I am coming!!!
- Michael: [on the speakerphone] I don’t want Dwight!!!
Quote:
- Michael: I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance. No one wants to pick me up?!?!
Quote:
- Michael: Can someone come and get me please? Ryan?
- Phyllis: Michael, you should stay home and rest…
- Michael: There’s no toilet paper here…tell Ryan to bring toilet paper, can you tell him that?
Quote:
- Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon ----- sue me -- and since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It’s good for me. It’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that…
