Season 5, Episode 2: "Business Ethics"
Quote:
- Jim: [about Dwight] He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open (which I always thought was impossible). At 1:32 he peed. I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filing out expense reports.
Quote:
- Michael: [on what to do about Meredith] OK, new idea -- we don't report her at all. We just punish her.
- Holly: We punish her?
- Michael: Tell her she can't have sex for six months.
- Holly: I don't think we could enforce that.
- Michael: I don't know. I saw this thing...like a belt with a key.
- Holly: A chastity belt.
- Michael: Yeah, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes, like, made of...I think sometimes they're made of metal. You know what I'm talking about. You unlock a little door that...down...where you...where you put...where you put the...
Quote:
I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?
Quote:
- Michael: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean...what sort of place is that to call home?
Quote:
- Michael: When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed cookie monster sings chocolate rain about 1,000 times.
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- Holly: I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing.
- Oscar: That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
- Andy: I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? Boom!
- Oscar: Exactly Andy.
- Andyt: Yeah I took intro to philosopy. Twice. No big deal.
- Dwight: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Quote:
- Michael: People expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings. You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan.
Quote:
- Holly: Okay, in fact, spending a half hour at the watercooler during work hours is a form of stealing.
- Kelly: What?
- Holly: Yes, it's called time theft and it's the same as taking money from the company. Can anyone think of examples of things that are over-the-line time-wasters?
- Stanley: This meeting.
Quote:
- Michael: [on helping Holly] She's my friend,and ultimately my strategy is to sort of merge
this into a relationship without her even knowing.