Season 1, Episode 5: "Basketball"
Quote:
- Michael: [to Oscar] I will use your talents come baseball season my friend. Or if we box.
Quote:
- Michael: When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It’s gone. I’m in the zone. Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don’t know. I might just be a basketball machine. What’s Dunder Mifflin? I’ve never heard of it. Filing, paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um…we that’s probably going to happen actually.
Quote:
- Dwight: [taking shirt off] Ok, we’ll be skins!
- Michael: Oh comon’ Dwight!
- Dwight: What? On or off?
- Michael: On!!!
Quote:
- Michael: [to Stanley] There it is! Secret weapon!
Quote:
- Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead?
- Phyllis: I'll do it.
- Michael: Oh yuck. That's worse than you playing!
Quote:
- Dwight: Can I be team captain?
- Michael: No, I am team captain.
- Dwight: Can I be team manager?
- Michael: No I am the team manager! You can be the assistant to the team manager.
- Dwight: Assistant team manager?
- Michael: No!
- Dwight: Ok, we’ll see who’s working this weekend.
- Michael: Jim, you’re in charge of the schedule now. Threat neutralized!
Quote:
- Michael: Ok, let’s put together a starting lineup shall we? Stanley…of course.
- Stanley: I’m sorry?
- Michael: What do you play, center?
- Stanley: Why “of course”? What’s that supposed to mean?
- Michael: I don’t know. I don’t remember saying that…
- Jim: I heard it.
- Michael: Well people hear a lot of things man. Um…other starters…me, of course! I heard it that time.
- Phyllis: I’d like to play if it’s just for fun. I played basketball in school.
- Michael: Um….yeah…who else?
Quote:
- Michael: Are we ready for the games? Oh yeah, I know grumble grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth grumbling all the way like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
- Dwight: Gimli...
- Michael: Nerd. That is why you are not on the team.
- Dwight: Just trying to be helpful.
- Michael: Oh elven dragonslayer. Ten-point power sword.
Quote:
- Michael: This is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the best looking one upstairs. [to Roy] You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job.
Quote:
- Michael: This is management by...walking around! This is our warehouse. Or as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that. I've earned the right.
- Ryan: Fine, don't worry about that.
Quote:
- Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday. And I think that that should be Jim.
- Jim: God this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.
Quote:
- Dwight: That’s why you have an assistant regional manager.
- Michael: Yes it is…assistant to the regional manager.
- Dwight: Same thing.
- Michael: No it’s not, it’s lower.
- Dwight: It’s close.