Season 2, Episode 3: "Office Olympics"
Quote:
- Michael: Nobody likes beets Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like! You should grow…candy…[sighs] I’d love a piece of candy right now…not a beet…
Quote:
- Dwight: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a 9-bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It’s the perfect situation for me although two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one…and that’s out under the porch.
Quote:
- Dwight: A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
Quote:
- Jim: Stanley. I just played Dunderball with Toby. How about you? You got any games?
- Stanley: Yeah I got a game. It’s called “work hard so your children can go to college”.
Quote:
- Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm…sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Quote:
- Michael: I really love the paper-triangle-flicking-and-hitting-things game.
- Kevin: We call it “hateball”.
- Michael: Why?
- Kevin: Because of how much Angela hates it.
- Michael: Hey do you guys have any other games?
- Kevin: Sometimes we play who can put the most M&Ms in their mouth.
- Angela: You play that.
- Oscar: [to Jim] You should ask Toby to teach you “Dunderball”.
Quote:
- Jim: [looks at paper on Oscar’s desk] What does “2005 Season” mean? Wait a minute what is this?
- Oscar: It’s a scoreboard. Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael’s out.
- Kevin: Or when we’re bored.
- Jim: Oh my God! Wait, this thing goes back two years!
- Kevin: We’re bored a lot.
Quote:
- Michael: Did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines?
- Pam: Yeah I changed them to your new address.
- Michael: Good the Small Businessman?
- Pam: Yup…
- Michael: American Way, Maxim, Cracked…
- Pam: Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.
- Michael: How about…um…Fine Arts…Afficianado Monthly?
- Pam: [shakes head no]
- Michael: No? Ok well could you get on that? Because I don’t just read Cracked.
Quote:
- Michael: I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like oen of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
Quote:
- Ryan: Breakfast. I got you a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
- Michael: Oh yummy yummy. Thank you Ryan.
- Ryan: What was the thing you needed me to come in early for?
- Michael: Uh…the sausage, egg and cheese biscuit…
Quote:
- Michael: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.