Season 2, Episode 5: "Halloween"
Quote:
- Michael: Devon, wait, please…look. In addition to severance and everything, I want to give you this…gift certificate from Chili’s…
Quote:
- Michael: I can’t go back out there and fire Creed now! I’ll look like an idiot!
Decon: Unbelievable. So I’m getting fired so you don’t look like an idiot?
- Michael: No. It’s because of all that budgetary and corporate stuff we talked about…
Quote:
- Michael: I have to fire someone today.
- Creed: Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon, he’s terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon.
- Michael: Ok, well I already picked you and you know that. So unless I go through with this you will always look at me as the guy who almost fired you.
- Creed: No no no no. I will forget so fast! You will be my savior. You’re the guy who gave me my life back! Thank you. I knew you’d see it my way. [leaves]
Quote:
- Michael: Yeah I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Quote:
- Dwight: [to the camera] This is called leveraging an offer! [knocks on Michael’s door] Michael could I talk to you for a moment? I just thought you should know that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills…
- Michael: Fantastic!
- Dwight: …and I turned it down…
- Michael: What? That would’ve solved all my problems!
- Dwight: …out of loyalty to this company…
- Michael: Oh you idiot!
- Dwight: So I was hoping to be made Assistant Regional Manager officially.
- Michael: If you left, I wouldn’t have to fire anybody.
- Dwight: Then you wouldn’t have me here…
- Michael: Big deal! Oh it would’ve worked out so well…could you get it back?
Quote:
- Dwight: So you got the fax. So why didn’t you add it to the resume? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah I get a little frustrated when I’m dealing with incompetence. Well you know what? You can go to hell too, and I’ll see you there, burning! Fine…oh wait, so you’ll let me know when you’ve made a decision?
Quote:
- Dwight: Cumberland Mills? How did you get my resume? Oh no no, I’m very flattered, don’t get me wrong, I’m just not sure that it’s my official resume or if it’s something that a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under “martial arts training”? Oh. Ok, I’m going to have to supplement that. Can I have your fax number?
Quote:
- Michael: It’s not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale.
Quote:
- Michael: [on speaker-phone] Hey Sheri, Michael Scott returning.
Sheri: Oh, she’s in a meeting. She just wanted the name of the employee let go.
- Michael: Well I’m going to wait until the end of the day, because the book said it’s best to wait until the end of the day.
Sheri: I just need the name of who you’re planning to let go.
- Michael: I don’t know…yet. I will have to call her back…
Sheri: I know she wanted the name.
- Michael: Ok, Sheri? If you were getting fired how would you want to be told so that you could still be friends with the person firing you?
Sheri: Jan wants the name as soon as possible Michael.
- Michael: Thanks. I’ll call her back. [mutters] I wish I could fire Sheri…
Sheri: Hey, I’m still here.