Season 2, Episode 18: "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"
Quote:
- Dwight: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden-days, the women would bear many children so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter and there weren’t enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood...
Quote:
- Michael: Yes, it is true…I, Michael Scott am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it and I am going to do it. I need a username and…I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Quote:
- Michael: This is Creed…and he is in charge of…something…
Quote:
- Dwight: I was going to teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls.
Quote:
- Michael: Dwight, what the hell are you reading?
- Dwight: These are cautionary tales for kids, my grandma used to read…
- Michael: No, no, no, no. The kids don’t want to hear some weirdo book that your Nazi-war-criminal grandmother gave you.
Quote:
- Stanley: [yelling at Ryan] That little girl is a child! I don’t want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand? Boy have you lost your mind? Cuz I’ll help you find it! Whatchoo looking for? Ain’t nobody out there can help you! Jesus can come through that door and he’s not gonna help you if you don’t stop sniffin’ after my child!
Quote:
- Stanley: Michael you remember my daughter Melissa.
- Michael: Oh yes. Hello. How are you? Good to see you. Wow, you’ve really grown up. You know what? Don’t mind me saying so but she is turning into a stone-cold fox. Better keep the frat boys away from her.
- Stanley’s Daughter: I’m in 8th grade.
Quote:
- Dwight: Hello tiny one!
- Toby: Come on [shepherds his child quickly past Dwight]
- Dwight: You are the future!
Quote:
- Michael: Hi children. I’m Michael Scott and I am in charge of this place (how do I make you understand?). I am like Superman and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
- Dwight & Jim: That’s Batman…
- Michael: Ok. I’m like Aquaman…where does he live guys?
- Jim: The ocean.
- Michael: I work with a bunch of nerds.
Quote:
- Michael: Listen, I like kids but this is not a kids environment. This is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what I’m gonna say? Crazy stuff…and it is R-rated. It is not rated G. I’m like Eddie Murphy in ‘Raw’ and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in ‘Daddy Daycare’. Both great movies, but still…