Season 3, Episode 8: "The Merger"
Quote:
- Michael: People hate people that are different from them. It’s natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the “Integration Celebration”. This is the moment when Stamford and Scranton come together as one…united in applause.
Quote:
- Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in metropolitan Orlando. It’s made from real pine.
- Karen: Who’s Bob Vance?
- Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town sweetie.
Quote:
- Anna: Look what’s on his computer!
- Michael: What’s that, a squid’s eye?
- Anna: It’s my left breast.
- Michael: [to Creed] How did you...
- Creed: Right place at the right time.
Quote:
Ryan inadvertently stares at Anna while she’s using a breast pump
- Anna: Take a picture, it’ll last longer.
- Ryan: I’m sorry, it’s just…it’s a little distracting…
- Creed: Ditto that my brother.
Quote:
Lazy Scranton video playing
- Michael: [rapping] You like coal mines and you want to see ‘em? Well check them out, yo, at the Anthracite Museum!
Quote:
Lazy Scranton video playing
- Michael: [rapping] Call poison control if you’re bit by a spider.
- Michael & Dwight: But check that it’s covered by your healthcare provider!
Quote:
- Toby: You may want these orientation materials…
- Michael: Wrong! Toby this is an orientation, not a “boringentation”.
Quote:
- Kelly: It’s got salmon…
- Michael: For the guests it is. For you consider it cow meat, strictly taboo.
- Kelly: I eat beef.
- Michael: Well…then consider it poisoned beef. No touchy…
- Kevin: The beef is poisoned?
- Michael: It’s not…it’s…just sit down please.
Quote:
- Kelly: Jim!
- Jim: Kelly…
- Kelly: Oh my God I have so much to tell you.
- Jim: Really?
- Kelly: Yes. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby named Suri. And then Bradd Pitt and Angelina Jolie they had a baby too and named it Shilo. And both babies are a-mazing!!!
- Jim: Great. What’s new with you?
- Kelly: I just told you.
Quote:
- Dwight: I know everything about film. I’ve seen over 240 of them.
Quote:
- Kevin: In general they do not give me much responsibility, but they do let me shred the company documents and that is really all I need.
Quote:
- Dwight: Why are you looking at my forehead?
- Jim: I’m not.
- Dwight: Meet my eye-line Jim!
Quote:
- Andy: I’ll be the number 2 guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead like a carpenter who makes stairs.
Quote:
- Michael: [to Karen] Wow, you are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I.?
Quote:
- Dwight: I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.